Working title: Awakening(s)
by
Daniel Gauthier
gauthier DOT daniel AT gmail.com
Why a film about Yoga
Why make a film about yoga knowing that there are already so many? This question
is still unanswered by the author.
In 1977, as I completed film school in Ottawa, I was hoping, like many young
people of my age, to have a promising career.
I felt that my calling was to save the world and become useful to others. I
was telling to myself: “When I help others, I feel fulfilled”.
And… when we help others, it is the whole society that benefits
from it.
As I completed College, life appeared generous and the law of attraction seemed
to work fine for me.
I presented a project to the National Film Board (NFB): “Your Child Can
Hear / Votre enfant entend”. They approved the project and so I started
to do the research and script writing. The Ontario arm of the NFB was helping
me.
As I was surfing in the « cinema world » I had already begun practicing
meditation and spirituality was already a subject of interest for me. In fact,
I begun being aware about spirituality at the age of 10. My life’s
mission (Dharma: what I am made of) was already embedded in me and
I was aware of it, way before I began meditating: “To help others,
to be useful to society”
Later on, as a teenager, I noticed that the « hippies » accepted
me as I was. Without being really aware of why I choose to be a “hippy”
then, today I realise that my choice was guided by my “extra-sensitivity”.
I was afraid of violence all together. That made me chooses the Peace and Love
movement.
Their world fitted perfectly for me. The friends I had accepted me the way I
was and they pretended not to see my weaknesses (dyslexia, Attention Deficit
Disorder, learning difficulty at school, etc.). My parents kept telling to me
and to others (and I registered it too) that I was sensitive, I was a different
kind of child, etc.: And I was, and I am!.
So, with a contract with THE NFB, I saw myself doing a career in film production.
After all, in addition, I had convinced the Children Hospital of Eastern Ontario
to commit the sum of $5,000 and I was employed… as a freelancer!
100% spiritual and 1% life learning experience: The Law of Attraction
This whole film experience project lasted, all together five years! That’s
a lot, isn’t it?
Through this project, I went through a lot of rejections and I learned a lot
of thing about human behaviours (jealousy and competition being some of them)
Yes, I did many mistakes too. Mistakes that generated into profound frustrations,
hanger, disappointments, sadness and powerlessness.
"Growth demands a temporary surrender of security"
- Gail Sheehy
Today, I realise that I worked non-stop, like a bee, constantly and without
complaining. Others around me were enjoying life more. Even if I worked harder,
I succeeded less. This was not what I had learned in meditation. This realisation
brought me frustrations and an inward hanger… In other words, I experienced
pain often and with persistence. Inwardly, I was “different”.
In the 80’s, to produce a film it cost roughly $80,000.
The help I received from the National Film Board was interesting. They offered
me a salary, support, advices but no “hard cash” to pay for technicians
or equipment that was badly needed to make my film. They made me understand
that I needed to raise funds to make this film.
Time went by. Three years later, I decided to run a fund raising campaign along
a PR exercise in order to achieve my one life goal. Through this process, I
became a volunteer for a local non-profit association. Interestingly enough,
I managed to raise few thousands of dollars for the “cause”.
The Law of attention
Of course, as I was raising funds, I gave all the money I collected to the Association.
It still wasn’t enough for the film project. In 1982, after five years
of hard word on my “Life mission”, this project was so present in
my daily life that I was only taking care of this as I knew that if I put sufficient
attention, things would unfold and become a reality. Ideas of “what to
do next” came to me during my sleep and during day meditations. Then,
I pursued my dream. In other words, I was doing what I was thinking about. However,
I was unemployed, without a job, and that project was not going forward as wished.
I was financially broke since the money I was attracting went directly to the
Association. Even if I was unemployed, I was busy like ten people. Yet, nothing
was going forward. All the doors I was knocking to were closing in front of
my eyes. One door after another. I did not want to go backward, throw the towel
away as I was certain that these obstacles were signs to see how determined
I really was. I thought these signs were “test” to verify if I had
faith, sort of speaking. I believed in the depth of my self that this film was
going to become reality.
Thank God, my spiritual life helped me go through the hurdles. When a brick
fell on my head, I “spiritualized” the experience and said to myself
it was a test brought for me. I took refuge in spirituality to make some sense
of what I was going through. I developed a serenity beyond adversity.
The Law of resonance
On one hand, I believed so strongly that my dream was to become a reality since
my intentions were pure. Each time I swallowed a refusal, a rejection, a failure;
it made me believe even more strongly that it was just an obstacle presented
to me to test my belief system, my faith in this project. This obstacle was
there to make me attain my goal: To help others. My life’s mission. At
the same time, my hypersensitivity was so acute that I was able to “read
others”. I developed spiritual gifts such as seeing the aura, sense what
others were thinking and understand individual dilemmas others were going through
at a raw level, without ever using these gifts in a bad way (no revenge). The
law of resonance was so present in my life that I accepted people and events
without being disturbed. On the other hand, my body, my Ego was perforated with
failures and disappointments. I kept saying to myself that I was growing spiritually
(and I was and I am) at such a level that I became a witness to my pain. «
I could bear the pain » I said to myself.
Then the worst showed up. On Thursday September 23rd 1982, as I was at home,
desperate and still confident, someone knocked on my door. A lady from the non
profit organisation wanted to talk to me about my project. The Admin Board met
and came to a decision not to be associated with me any more. I was without
money and they offered me five hundred dollars. I did not want to take the money;
it was dedicated to produce the film. Except that their Board decided otherwise.
They wished and had the intention to continue to pursue the project….
without me.
That day, I remember it. It was a complete desolation. I had been fired, rejected
from every side, from everywhere, from everyone. My heart and solar plexus hurt
so much that I cried. It hurt. After all these years of work I saw myself without
a reason to live. The tear it did to my Ego was made of tears and hanger. Hanger
toward God himself. I was fortunate at that time to live a full spiritual life.
The message was clear. I had to mourn and pass on to something else. It was
then, between the Thursday night and Friday morning that I had another premonition
dream. This time, it was subliminal, wished and felt: I said to my Higher Power:
Please make it such that even if I am not involved any more in this project,
that the film is being made and distributed.
When I let go of what I am , I become what I might be
I had to let go of my dream to make films and trust in the strength of life,
in God as I understood him, in my higher power, else I would fall into a deeper
depression, pathological.
Many months later, the wish I formulated became a reality. In my mail box, a
video tape of my film. Since then, I never put God to a challenge trusting that
everything is possible when we apply the laws of attraction, attention
and resonance. I understand that I am here on earth to realise certain
desires anchored in my past.
It is a possibility that my choice to make a film about yoga comes from this
turbulent past. This choice is presented to me every moment of the eternal future:
To go back into the past, sleep or detach myself and go further ahead,
beyond the grasp of karmic laws. I am aware that when we help ourselves,
the universe assists us to obtain the so desired spiritual liberation.
Today, the financial obstacles to make a movie (and I don’t think the
money was « the » obstacle that stopped me from doing my film in
the eighties) is lessened, compared to then. To commit a piece of art today
depends less and less on others. In fact, I must add that today, in order to
create an « author » film, it is much easier to create quality content
and be distributed around the planet with little expenses compared to thirty
years ago. Thanks to the internet. In the eighties, as the doors were closing
in front of me when I wanted to produce my documentary to “save”
hearing impaired children, I said to myself that one day I will go back to the
media world and explore this avenue as per my wish. I went through so many obstacles
when I wanted to “live” off the cinema world that today I feel I
am a little more ready. It is not the cause that determines the effect.
I am a bit more ready to accept that there are laws on this earth planet that
is such that we can not obtain what we desire unless we have a pure consciousness.
The more the consciousness is pure, the faster events realises themselves.
I am a bit more ready to accept highs and lows. Karmic laws are impregnated
in the universe and not ready to disappear just by snapping our fingers.
I am more ready to recognise the pain signs before they become suffering.
I remember in 82 when I was practising yoga and meditation; I went through all
kind of life lessons. I became aware that I had to take good care of myself,
my person (sleep, eating well, relaxing periods, etc) before believing that
I can save the world with a camera. It is therefore with humility acquired with
pain that I present you this documentary: The _new_ Yoga. In a certain way,
it represents what I wanted to accomplish in 1982, except that the subject is
quite different.
This DVD is an individual point of view on the subject of spirituality. Better,
it makes us discover my view about spirituality… through others. This
film represents devotion toward my teachers, those who accepted to lend themselves
to this film making “game”. It is also dedicated to those who put
obstacles in front of me then when I wanted to do the things I wanted to do.
These people allowed me to live an awaken life.
I wish that if you watch this documentary, you can recognize yourself a little
bit. To discover that even if one’s life may appear to be “simple”
without great accomplishments, sparks or other impressive perceptions, the
discovery of inner life is much richer and greater then what our eyes and body
can experiment. At the beginning, before I realised that every
time I went through a disappointment, a pain (small or great) I was also going
through an awakening. I was going through a growth experience when a brick would
fall on my head (loss of a love, being fired, non-recognition, missed promotions,
moving from one place to another one, failure in school, etc), it hurt and I
learned to calm myself, say nothing and integrate the pain.
I am not a human being living a spiritual experience; I am a spiritual
being living a human experience.
Today, as I am a bit less blind, that my spiritual life has bloomed, when a
brick falls on my head, it still hurts and I still continue to learn (in silence
I meditate and I am grateful. Really), I endorse the pain. Except that there
is a small difference between yesterday and today. I have come to accept, believe,
understand and live many small things such as : We can’t avoid
pain whereas suffering is an option. Pain doesn’t hurt less.
In fact, it is more painful than before my awakening and it takes longer to
heal as the mistakes I commit are subtle and profound. Yet, the
experiences I go through, the transcendence of time and space, the perception
of the invisible world collaborates to give me a subjective view that goes far
beyond the Ego, my little self.
This film explores subtle aspects and brings light, sound, colour and expression
to feelings (sensing). Per example, when I give, I receive. Even if this film
wants to demonstrate the impact of subjectivity over objectivity, the absolute
over the relative, the unconscious over the conscious consciousness, it is foremost
a realistic and accessible document to all. It wishes, by the gathered testimonials
of the guests I met through this film-making, to inspire others. In addition,
it wishes to incite the viewers to move, to do something about their own awakening.
The emergency to transform our own life manifest itself with little
gestures, simple and yet powerful and meaningful that translates to a gift to
others.
At the same time, let’s not forget it is a documentary that reports facts,
actions and words. The ultimate key of this document is about “Who is
the person interviewed?” How the absolute manifest itself in him or her?
Above and beyond a reputation or title, what is the road this person has taken
to be who he/she is… enlightened?
Therefore, you are invited to come to the heart of existence, (my inside world
sort of speaking) inside the road of awakening and expression of talent, the
daily basis of these people involved in yoga, in spirituality and discover remarkable
people.
Daniel Gauthier
May 10th, 2009